Humor Blogs - Blog RankingsBlog DirectoryRSS Search

The Inanity of Osama and His Jihad: A Letter to Osama

by George on May 3, 2011

Dear Osama:

What were you thinking? Did you really think that attacking the United States could result in anything other than your death? Was it not the pinnacle of inanity?

Osama Last Facebook entryLet your death stand as stark evidence that anyone who underestimates the will of the American people does so at their own peril.

A cursory look at the history of the United States should have alerted you to the obvious shortcomings of attacking a people with our capabilities and resolve. It should have been clear that attacking us would make the balance of your life a frightful, itinerant exercise in futility that would end badly for you.

No doubt the specter of our government virtually paralyzed by a blowjob or our failure to deliver the apocalyptic-quality response you so richly deserved after the terror attacks on our embassies in 1998 or against the U.S.S. Cole in 2000 emboldened you, but confusing the discursive nature of our politics with an inability to wage war was massively stupid.

Our reaction to the last sneak attack on our nation should have given you pause. We chased the Japanese across the broad expanse of the Pacific Ocean with an unwavering resolve that teetered on the edge of insanity – all while chasing the vaunted German army across Europe. When we caught up with the Japanese on their home islands, we unleashed a wave of destruction without parallel in the human experience – and that was BEFORE we went nuclear on them.

You may have taken comfort in our self-indulgence or materialism and sought to exploit these characteristics by drawing us into a costly counterinsurgency in Asia in order to bankrupt us, but this was based on a presumption that all superpowers are created equal and that we would not adjust, adapt, and overcome. You succumbed to the fatal, historical inanity of fighting your LAST war!

See Osama, our soldiers are not the conscripted dregs of Soviet society you faced in Afghanistan 30 years ago. Our soldiers are world-class warriors. Their training, equipment, and leadership are without parallel on the modern battlefield – a fact you probably did not become aware of until your near-obliteration at Tora Bora. Trust me, without the connivance of local warlords there, your reign of infamy would have ended then. Funny how we didn’t see much of you after that.

But I’m reasonably sure you thought we couldn’t outwit you, though – or that we wouldn’t have the temerity to launch a military action in Pakistan, or that it would be an action you would see coming, but once again you failed to appreciate both our capability and resolve.

In the end, we held our rage in enough esteem to send our very best to finally dispatch you to your certain fate. Although we had the option of turning your compound into a smoking crater with JDAMs or cruise missiles, we decided that a double-tap to your skull was more befitting our sense of justice. We wanted you to see the end coming.

Navy SEALsPardon us for feeling some satisfaction in knowing that the last moments of your life were filled with the vision of a U.S. special ops soldier drawing a bead on your head. We didn’t want you to flat-line without knowing who ended your personal jihad.

Hey, it’s not like you didn’t ask for it.

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Stephen Dziekan May 19, 2011 at 8:44 am

Very well thought out and written, thank you for this letter, it could not have been said better.

Reply

George May 21, 2011 at 12:51 pm

Thanks Steve, I’m glad you enjoyed it. I enjoyed writing it.

Reply

Jodi May 6, 2011 at 3:04 pm

George, I loved, Loved, LOVED this post. I haven’t heard it said or written any better! Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Reply

George May 6, 2011 at 9:15 pm

Thanks Jodi!

Reply

Kathleen Mayberry May 4, 2011 at 9:26 pm

Each time I read one of your writings George, I think it’s better than the last. THIS is by far a powerful and accurate article!!
Keep up the good work!

Reply

George May 4, 2011 at 11:22 pm

Thanks Kathleen; I appreciate the feedback!

Reply

Leave a Comment

{ 1 trackback }