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Inanity Alert: Pepsi Hates God – Removes “Under God” From Pledge of Allegiance on Pepsi Cans

by George Jones on March 31, 2011

Ricocheting around the Internet via email and Facebook is this inane notion that Pepsi would print the Pledge of Allegiance on a special edition of its product and deliberately leave off the words “under God”.

Here is the text of the actual “alert”:

Don’t buy the patriotic PEPSI CAN coming out with pictures of the Empire State building and the Pledge of Allegiance on them. Pepsi LEFT OUT Two little WORDS on the pledge “UNDER GOD.” Pepsi said they did not want to offend anyone. If we don’t buy them, Pepsi won’t be offended when they don’t receive our money that has the words,…..”IN GOD WE TRUST” on it…..! How fast can you re-post this?

Apparently, the answer is: very fast. This “alert” suddenly began appearing on more and more Facebook pages like a collection of Christian knights massing for an attack on an infidel Pepsi stronghold.

My alarm had less to do with the sanctity of the Pledge of Allegiance than it did to the inanity of a mob of morons with torches and pitchforks descending on my local grocer and destroying all of the Pepsi products that I love so much, I decided to do what they all should have done: Google it.

They are coming for you, Pepsi!

I typed in “pepsi under god” and got 270,000 hits and it became quite clear that not only was this a hoax, it’s been a hoax for some time.

To lessen the threat a mob might present to my supply of Sierra Mist, I updated my Facebook status to include a link that debunked the earlier, incorrect postings that suggested Pepsi suddenly decided to commit corporate suicide.

Unfortunately, I was left with the troubling notion that people are so easily troubled by a notion that “under God” belongs in the Pledge of Allegiance in the first place.

The Pledge of Allegiance came into existence in 1892 from an unlikely source – a socialist minister. It was initially a device to help sell American flags and then to help celebrate the 400th anniversary of Columbus reaching North America which, of course, would sell a few more flags.

American children saluting flag during Pledge of Allegiance (prior to WWII).  Yes, this is the salute they used.

American children saluting flag during Pledge of Allegiance. This is prior to WWII.

What’s interesting is that the “under God” plumage was missing from the breast of this turkey for over 60 years.

The whole “under God” thing didn’t become an issue until we got into the 1950s. The days of Eisenhower, poodle skirts, and McCarthyism were replete with virtually unfettered paranoia about communism in general and the Soviet Union in particular.

The United States perceived itself as being in a death struggle with the godless ideology of communism. Apparently, the answer to getting the Almighty on “our side” was to include the words “under God” in the Pledge of Allegiance.

And this is kind of where my brain kind of explodes.

See, if you think God is some old guy in the sky wearing a white robe that runs about immaculately knocking up first century virgins and killing his only son for reasons a reasonable person could never understand, then it makes sense that you think He’s sitting on his throne somewhat ambivalent about what the winning political system for one of the 140-odd countries on Earth should be.

It would then be completely plausible that God needed a little nudge to give the United States a brighter destiny than the Soviet Union – although you would think an English-speaking God would have been totally put off by the Soviets’ bizarre language and large, hairy women.

I mean, God should have been on our side in the first place, right?

Clearly, frightened citizens in the 1950′s thought otherwise and decided that we needed to have an edge with the Almighty. They figured adding “under God” would please God’s enormous ego and the United States would prevail against communism because God liked the U.S. better.

Unfortunately, this is not logical … and it sounds inane when you think about it.

God playing Jeopary, which is an inane image

Gary Larson - The Far Side

See, if you remember correctly – and yes, I’m speaking to you Christians – God loves all of us regardless of our political affiliation. He’s more concerned with how we treat each other than whether or not we make a reference to Him in some inane pledge we created.

If you don’t believe me, look it up in The Holy Bible. It’s in the Book of Horseshit – Stuff I Never Said.

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Jodi April 2, 2011 at 8:45 am

I LOVE it!!!

While I still like the thought of having “Under God” in our Pledge of Allegiance, your argument is totally dead on. My biblical argument is it’s called “The King James Version” for a reason, because some male decided what would go into the bible and I do believe that God is very concerned with how we treat each other.

I also believe that in our efforts to be politically correct, we have just lost all sensibility, the majority of people I have heard from seem inclined to have Under God in our pledge and on our money and I’m tired of the select few making decisions for all.


Bonnie April 2, 2011 at 4:36 am

Always fascinated by your writings George! Keep em coming. I’m on to the next rant..LOL


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