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Inanity Watch: Why do Angels Have Wings?

by George Jones on March 30, 2011

So, why do angels have wings?

It would seem most references to angels or physical representations of them always seem to include a pair of flappers – which seems like an inanity that someone needs to explain.

Image of an angel - a molting angel no less

Proof that angel wings are made of feathers?

My instinct tells me angels have wings because people of antiquity had precious little knowledge of powered flight.

Clearly, they were fascinated with the movement of birds in the sky – and since gospel made it pretty clear that’s where God is, our ancestors arrived at the obvious – but wrong – conclusion that the process of getting – and staying there – had something to do with feathered wings.

Now I will concede that perhaps in Heaven there is no need for feathers, but that would also suggest that an angel’s wings are merely decorative accessories, or the size and shape of them might designate some sort of rank … or pecking order.

Unfortunately, we don’t have an org chart for Heaven, but it sounds like a bit of an oligarch that’s a little heavy on the nepotism … but I digress.

The Bible contains many references to wings being used by angels to achieve positive aeronautic buoyancy. Notwithstanding an angel’s ability to placate the husband of a woman who is impregnated by, essentially, their boss, their ability to achieve powered flight would be much more impressive if they could do it without the wings.

It seems positively inane to me that a spiritual power could knock up a chick without using a penis or in vitro fertilization – while retaining her virginity, mind you – yet need to affix wings to otherwise celestial beings so they can move around Heaven like fucking birds.

Star Trek transporter

Beats the shit out of flying!

This suggests that God has less imagination than the producers of the original “Star Trek” series. At least they conceived the ability to “beam” themselves wherever they wanted to go, not flutter about the vacuum of space hoping to find an open door on every Klingon Bird of Prey they wanted to board.

Yes, I realize that wings would be useless in the vacuum of space, but aren’t they equally superfluous in an ethereal space like Heaven?

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Sunni Ege April 25, 2011 at 10:57 am

found your site on today and really liked it.. i bookmarked it and will be back to check it out some more later


Mike OKeefe April 1, 2011 at 9:59 am

I am convinced God has plenty of imagination. Just watch the movies!! In Dogma, the “Last Scion” is helped by Jay and Silent Bob, Salma Hayak bereft of genitals and an unhappy “Voice of God”. Or Legion. Gos id pissed at the world and he sends, wait for it, Zombies!! Only wings in that movie belong to Gabriel and he slices and dices with them. Now, does this say anything about his intelligence level? 🙂


admin April 2, 2011 at 1:20 pm

LOL – yeah, I loved Dogma!


Jess Tatz March 31, 2011 at 10:53 am

Wings are pretty – God doesn’t need them, maybe angels do. I don’t want to begin to think I know how angels are put together.


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