Humor Blogs - Blog RankingsBlog DirectoryRSS Search

Inanity for Good Friday – Thank God It Was Good Friday

by George Jones on April 21, 2011

Good Friday is one of my favorite Christian holidays, although I do need to qualify this a bit.

Admittedly, it has more to do with commuting than it does with the body of a man launching into the outer atmosphere like some sort of mortal orbiter.


Sort of like my commute, only without the decals and use of turn signals.

In the nearly fifteen years I spent commuting from my home to work on I-80 in New Jersey there was seldom a day that it wasn’t essentially either a bumper-to-bumper crawl or a NASCAR-like pack of competitors drafting each other at unreasonable speeds until an opportunity to pass presented itself.

But Good Friday was always an uncharacteristically good commuting day.

It was especially good during the dawn of Good Friday in 2003 that my trusted Impala’s lower right-front ball joint separated. Had this not occurred on Good Friday the likelihood of having an accident would have been more of a certainty. The remarkably lower traffic volume provided me an opportunity to get the car to the side of the road without incident.

In my mind, this presented me with something of an imponderable – who to thank for delivering me from disaster?

Now, my friends of faith were quick to assign my salvation on I-80 to the greater glory of God which, while not unexpected, left me to wonder why they think God is an ejection seat when it seems so much more likely that God is actually the whole fucking plane?

My impious nature couldn’t help me think that God made everyone else Christian for MY sake. See, He just knew that ball joint was about to go, like, thousands of years before I was born, so he sent his only Son to Mankind to perform some simply awesome magic combined with enough socialistic brio to piss-off the religious conservatives of the biblical era in a manner that assured he’d get tacked to a cross like a deer head in a trophy room, then miraculously appear to some close friends before making that NASA-quality launch into the ether simply to inspire a religion that would later diminish the flow of traffic on I-80 a couple of thousand years later to save – you know, ME – from a likely fatal traffic accident.

While this thought seemed vaguely sacrilegious – even vainglorious – it seemed about as crazy as the Easter story itself.

Now, don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean I’m opposed to allowing parents to crucify their children – frankly, I think this is too good for some of them – I just think it’s a pretty regressive way to get your point across, especially if you are the omnipotent creator of the universe.

Although I have trouble conceiving a deity with bloodlust, it does fit the narrative of life in the first century where verbalizing the concept of a spherical planet, like opining that the Roman emperor was soft on illegal immigration, could actually get you killed … slowly.

But this doesn’t mean I don’t believe that Good Friday isn’t a righteous holiday; many times it was best shot of getting to work unharmed and on-time.

Leave a Comment